Tuesday, February 27, 2007
things are looking up

i hate to leave that last post up at the top. it's very negative, and angry. i try not to be that way. sometimes, i guess life's little frustrations get the best of us all.

one thing that seems to be going better is my general mood.....this is kind of hard to put into words. but here it is: it seems that despite having the same pain, i'm more able to enjoy the moment i'm in, more able to find joy in relationships and laughter. not that i've 'arrived' or what have you - there is still a long ways to go. but i feel more like my old self emotionally, like i can see that the pain's there, and without ignoring it per se, focus on what is good and important and real. i am beginning to be able to feel thankful for the good days. to be honest, i was always just resentful before - how can you be thankful for a day during which you're in constant pain? sure, it's more bearable than some other days, but it's pain! all day! slowly, with the help of my dear husband, i'm coming to see that a good day is a good day because it is better than the other ones. regardless of how that stacks up to how life 'used to be'.

this whole thing might not make any sense. i bet it will to my migraine friends. it's taken more than 2 years of chronic pain to reach this point. and it's not the best point -- but it's a distinct improvement.

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7 Comments:
Blogger deborah had this to say:

Em,
It makes TOTAL sense! I'm so glad you've reached it. Sometimes it takes so long to get there, and when we do, it's like, whoa, what took me so long? How did I not see this? I'm glad you're here. You just take each day as it comes, one at a time. That's pretty much the way I take them. Live each one fully, or try to. It's not always easy, honey. Believe me. Look up, trust Him. That makes it easier. You have friends out here

6:04 AM 

Anonymous Muum had this to say:

wow! you impress me, dear Sass!

6:49 AM 

Blogger Grim Reality Girl had this to say:

I am so happy for you! It helps when you change your outlook on it. Migraine people and any chronic pain people (who are somehow managing) can relate COMPLETELY to what you have said. I am happy for you that you are getting there. Do change doctors though... you deserve GREAT medical treatment. I'm still mad for you.

2:26 PM 

Blogger Heather had this to say:

Good for you. You most definitely have my adoration.

8:50 PM 

Blogger Heather had this to say:

I meant admiration. But adoration works, too. Hey, I can adore you right? That isn't too creepy is it? :)

8:50 PM 

Blogger Pink Chihuahua Princess had this to say:

Awww...I'm so happy to hear that you've been doing (or at least thinking about things) better!

7:51 PM 

Anonymous JD had this to say:

I have had only a week of constant BUTT pain. Hemroids bite!!! And I am the crankiest person ever. What wonderful reminder of what I could be doing in stead thanks tomorrow I am going to and have one of those good days.

1:00 AM 

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Location: Salt Lake City, Utah, United States

I'm 25 - married, and recently graduated from Brigham Young University, studying music; I play piano. My husband is just starting his PhD program at the University of Utah in computer architecture.

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