Monday, January 07, 2008

i had another doctor's appointment today, at the pain clinic. it was a reasonably good appointment, some things i was hoping to figure out got worked out, and a couple of things got worked out in a way i'm not entirely fond of.

but coming away from it, i find myself disappointed, frustrated and sad. frustrated is mostly b/c i now have *another* doctor to see; they want me to see their in-house psychologist. blech. i saw one of their psychologists last year, and she felt like she had taught me all she could, etc....

but i think that i'm frustrated and sad for reasons i don't entirely understand. do i still subconsciously think that the doctors are going to FIX this whole thing one day? that i'll go to an appointment and they'll have figured it all out? i don't know. it's the kind of thing you hope for, but know that it's probably unreasonable. my doctors seem to feel like any improvements we see are going to be incremental. i think my pain clinic doc may feel like i need to learn to deal with my pain better, as it may be around the rest of my life.

i just have got to believe that we will cut down on the frequency....

to all my migraine and headache friends out there: have any of you been to the diamond headache clinic (in chicago?) if so, tell me all about it.

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OpenID booklady had this to say:

I'm sorry that things were not worked out as satisfactorily as you would have liked, but it sounds like you haven't given up which is wonderful.

9:14 PM 

Blogger Muum had this to say:

I wish there was some cure out there , too. I wish I could fix this for you. I know it is more difficult than I can understand, dear one.

6:05 AM 

Blogger Myth had this to say:

I think we all develop some fine coping skills as time goes on, but it is unreasonable to assume we would accept our fate all the time. Since it is a permanent state that is not going to be 'poof' cured I think it is only natural that we get bouts of fustration and moodiness. Acceptance only lasts so long. It is a sort of walk a mile in my shoes thing, unless they endure chronic pain they do not get the dificulty of keeping up a pleasant facade. I personally think a good rant helps a girl out. And hobbies. And drugs.

8:24 PM 

Blogger Grim Reality Girl had this to say:

I agree with Myth... you can't always keep on the happy face of acceptance. Going to the pain doctor makes a small part of you think -- "Hey, maybe today they will have a new answer for me!" and you can not help that feeling. Nor can you help being sad when you don't get the miracle that a small little part of you still hopes for...

Strange to have read your post today -- the day I went back to the pain doctor and was frustrated that I'm not cured!!!

Anyway -- have you been checked for a heart murmur? Even a VERY mild one? After my heart was fixed my migraines went down to maybe once every 12 weeks or so.... could not remember if you had ruled this out. Sorry to bring it up but can't help myself since it made a difference for me.

1:24 PM 

OpenID conniekellis had this to say:

Any luck checking for an acupuncturist there? I agree with the other posts that discouragement is bound to come. I know it does for M with her diabetes and all the stuff she doesn't want to think about daily. It is so good that you can take heart from the love coming through in the comments. I add mine, too. We cherish you.

9:19 AM 

Blogger YoSafBridg had this to say:

hey emily,
just wanted to let you know that after fifteen years of dealing with chronic daily headaches and three to six severe migraines a week i am finally experiencing a little relief.
last month i actually had about five headache free days and three of them were in a row! I've also had a number of days where i've managed to go most of the morning without a headache, so i guess what i'm saying is never give up hope even when it does seem hopeless (and i definitely know that it does).
Though i'm not counting on it i'm actually hoping that my doctor might be able to tweak a bit more to get me down to the couple of migraines a month that i was used to dealing with about twenty years ago (wouldn't that be wonderful?)
Anyway, hang in there...

4:00 PM 

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Location: Salt Lake City, Utah, United States

I'm 25 - married, and recently graduated from Brigham Young University, studying music; I play piano. My husband is just starting his PhD program at the University of Utah in computer architecture.



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