Tuesday, February 26, 2008

well -- it's time! i fly out tomorrow morning for my appointment. today will be packing and laundry.

my main point for this entry is that i (probably) have to take a blogging break because of this --they are probably going to put me inpatient for a little while. there's no telling until my appointment on thursday how long i'll be in chicago. the receptionist, who set me up with all my paperwork, said it'd probably between 5 and 14 days inpatient...

the kicker is (for my blog friends), no laptops at the hospital. :-(

let's have a moment of silence, shall we?

no internet - no surfing the world wide web. ah, i will miss you, friends.

when i get back, i will tell you all about the appointment and how it all goes. wish me luck!

ETA: a great article about chronic illness and how it doesn't make sense.

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Friday, February 22, 2008
have you ever...

EDITED TO ADD the link to the letter....duh!

have you ever done that thing where you THINK it's friday, but actually it's thursday? that was me yesterday.


saturday is probably my favorite day of the week, because i get to spend all day with my sweetie; he doesn't have to go to work, we can hang out around the house and/or run errands together. so then last night spencir tells me it's only thursday!? wow.

here i am, friday again.

read a great entry over at The Daily Headache -- a letter to friends and family, regarding the nature of chronic pain. it's one of those things that i just nod the whole way through -- yes, yes!

in reality, i'm very lucky to have such supportive family. nevertheless, having chronic pain is just....it's just weird. it's just the kind of thing that doesn't make sense, and many people can't imagine what it'd be like to be in pain all the time. i know i never considered it until it happened to me!

have a great weekend, party people. :)

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the sassy lime -- now with LESS whining!

that last post was just annoying. let's disregard it, shall we?

i am REALLY looking forward to my appointment at the Diamond Headache Clinic -- less than a week away now!! my paperwork is all filled out and i am ready to go!

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Thursday, February 21, 2008
"physical therapy"

today was my physical therapy appointment. really it was more like "physical therapy". because my pain doc said i was going to go see the physical therapist again. i mentioned that the *last* time i saw her (the PT), the physical therapist said she didn't think there was anything she could do to help my headaches. my doctor said that the PT had some new ideas, they had just talked that morning.

sooo of course i was hopeful going into this appointment. we sat down, and she said my pain doc asked her to work with me NOT to improve my headaches (because she didn't feel there was anything she could do) but to help me set up an exercise program. nice. soooo this of course makes me feel a little tricked and disappointed. mostly disappointed that he made me believe there was hope for changing the situation.

the ultimate hope for setting up an exercise program is that after building up my endurance will help me be able to do more despite the pain.

so i'm feeling a bit frustrated, i feel like this is my pain doctor's last hope -- therapy and exercise. i should mention i have been exercising regularly for the past.... 5/6 months without any results. of course he knows that, but this is going to be even worse (i meant better). because already the exercise pushes my pain level up for 2-3 hours after i'm done.

the thing is, i'm all about exercising, i just hate that it causes me EXTRA pain. that's pretty much the last thing i need at this point....but my doctors are increasingly running out of ideas, and so i think THEY think they need to get me going again, and somehow the symptoms will fade away. argh. i'm sorry, i'm just venting/rambling now.

hopefully i'll be back later on w/a better attitude.

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Monday, February 18, 2008
a few thoughts on pain

i just read an entry by a pain pal of mine, Barbara. it reminded me of one thing that pain has given me. i spend a lot of time thinking about and complaining about what pain has taken from me, blah blah blah.

but one would think that a person could learn a few things from being in pain for three years...it's true. maybe i've got more to learn.

but reading her entry helped me realize that pain has taught me at least one thing...it's taught me how to enjoy and appreciate the little things in life.

my niece's smile, a sunny day, a warm blanket, pain i can ignore. ah, bliss. before pain (BP) life hurried by and i worked hard to get things done. i'm trying to learn to value people not for what they can DO, but for what they ARE. it goes against my instincts.

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Sunday, February 17, 2008
on reading

so a book was recommended to me. let's call it....gilead.

and i've been reading, and reading...it's very slow, and as it turns out, i have given up. i can't remember the last time i STARTED reading a book and did not FINISH it. which of course led me to wonder, what book did you start and not finish? why?

i know this book is a good book, obviously many others enjoyed it. for some reason, it just wasn't my cup of tea. i couldn't get into it. but i burned through a couple of others quickly enough afterwards.

p.s. -- have i told you all i'm on goodreads.com? if you read, i recommend getting on there. i've found lots of recommendations, and more importantly, it keeps track of what i've read and how i liked it. for some reason i can't do that on my own anymore. if you're on goodreads, let me know and be my friend!

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Saturday, February 16, 2008
one word.

tagged myself at LibAnn's.


Not as easy as you might think.

1. Where is your cell phone? nearby.
2. Your significant other? work
3. Your hair? dirty
4. Worst bad habit? fingernails
5. Favorite food? ice-cream. (that's not cheating, if i hyphenate, right?)
6. Your favorite thing? wedge
7. Your dream last night? baffling
8. Your favorite drink? water
9. Your dream/goal? painfree
10.The room you're in? bedroom
11. Your ex? many
12. Your fear? alone
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? mother
14. Where were you last night? home
15. What you're not? funny.
16. Muffins? please
17. One of your wish list items? Narnia
18. Where you grew up? ohio
19. The last thing you did? text
20. What are you wearing? pajamas
21. Your TV? computer
22. Your pets? none
23. Your computer? laptop
24. Your life? strange
25. Your mood? optimistic.
26. Missing someone? family
27. Your car? green
28. Something you're not wearing? makeup
29. Favorite Store? gap
30. Your summer? internship???
31. Love someone? Spencer
32. When is the last time you laughed? hours
33. Last time you cried? days
34. Who will/would re-post this? Edge.

Should we tag? nah, let's not. if you're interested in doing this -- tell me in comments and i'd be happy to come read. :0)

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Wednesday, February 13, 2008
stress in the life of emily?

i thought i'd give you a little peek into my life as of late. that's what this blog is all about, right? but usually i try to leave out the crazy and weird parts -- no one wants to read about that, do they?

i was reading an entry over at Magically Mama, and it was just what i needed to hear.

i'm the kind of girl who likes to have things picked up, put away, and clean. i literally feel lighter and more calm in my home when it's clean. so conversely, when things are cluttered and/or dirty, i feel like it's weighing on me. i'm sure you can see where i'm going with this....

it's a matter of keeping up with the dishes, the cleaning, the laundry.... and with such limited energy and (low-pain) time, i feel as though i'm always trying to catch up.

which is NOT to say that my dear husband doesn't help, because he does. a lot. whenever i feel overwhelmed w/things, he steps in and does whatever it takes. but i WANT to be able to do it.

i feel like these chores are the small things that are *my* responsibility -- and it's frustrating when i can't keep up with them.

at the same time, i feel like it would really help if i cut myself some more slack -- if i didn't always expect my home to be clean and (this is key) ACCEPTING a lower standard. it's been more than 3 years (w/these migraines) and i still haven't gotten it yet. i understand it mentally, but can't truly BELIEVE it.

*le sigh*

you can see why her entry appealed so much to me. it's what i need to hear -- it's what i'm working on. how do you combat these kinds of problems? do you feel overwhelmed when you fall behind?

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Friday, February 08, 2008

Well i was tagged for a meme. ashley tagged me :-) read on to find out everything you ever wanted to know (ok, more than you ever wanted to know) about my husband and i.

How long have you been together? 3 1/2 years

How long did you date? 6 months (before we got engaged) -- pick your jaws up off the floor ;)

How old is he? 27

Who eats more? Spencer

Who said "I love you" first? we can't remember! (i couldn't, so i asked him...he couldn't either!)

Who is taller? Spencer, by 9 inches

Who is smarter? hmm. i'd say Spencer. i have my smart moments, but they seem to be coming fewer and further between with these migraines. ;)

Who does the laundry? i do -- spencer helps me when i need it.

Who does the dishes? i do most of the time -- when i fall behind spencer helps me catch back up.

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? i do.

Who pays the bills? I write the checks.

Who mows the lawn? this is one of those advantages of renting; we don't have to mow the lawn.

Who cooks dinner? just like the dishes -- i do most of the time, but when i can't spencer steps up.

Who is more stubborn? hmm.. another tough one to call. i'd say me.

Who kissed who first? spencer kissed me

Who asked who out? He asked me out.

Who proposed? he did :)

Who is more sensitive? probably me.

Who has more friends? i'd say we're evenly matched.

Who has more siblings? spencer does -- he's the oldest of 7. i'm the 2nd of 5.

Who are you tagging?

The Edge, Muum, and the Magical Mama! -- anyone else who wants to play, let me know you did in comments so i can come see :)

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Wednesday, February 06, 2008

sadly, this isn't success in the area of treating my headaches (yet).

first, a bit of history.

i've been having difficulty making bread that rises. you'd think this would be fairly straightforward, but for some reason my bread has been.....brick-like. my husband has been very nice about it, still appreciating (and eating) it.

but i've been frustrated. why wasn't this working? i love baking, and baking bread seems like something i'd be good at. but i'd been having a rather bad run lately.

so i was over at my sister's house the other day, visiting. she started making some pizza dough for dinner later on. so then i remembered my problems and told her all about it. because her bread is always good.

she gave me a few tips. 1st was to use a plastic or glass bowl (instead of metal). she wasn't sure if this was important for all bread or just sourdough bread, but i figured i'd just go ahead and make the switch.

2nd was to measure the temperature of the water (that i added to the yeast) to make sure it was warm enough but not too warm. i bought a little meat thermometer today for this purpose.

and 3rd was to take the yeast out of the fridge for an hour or two before i make bread, so the temperature difference wasn't so great.

so i did these 3 things, and voila! bread success. it rose, it was light and delicious! hooray!

thanks, Edge. :-)

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Location: Salt Lake City, Utah, United States

I'm 25 - married, and recently graduated from Brigham Young University, studying music; I play piano. My husband is just starting his PhD program at the University of Utah in computer architecture.



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